If it all goes wrong

I hope you never need this post, or any of the other related posts in this section. But if you need this advice and I'm not around, I'd rather it was here for you.

First of all, we love you, even if you don't love yourself right now. Please, please, please don't ever consider taking your own life - it is the only situation from which you can't recover. I don't care what the problem is, you may be on the run from the police or worse, but nothing is so bad that you need to die.

If you are having any thoughts of suicide, speak to anyone in the family or ring a helpline. We are here for you, always.

If there is a specific problem, I may have covered it in another related post, in which case, read that next. But if the topic is not covered - I would suggest you consider the following:

Top 3 immediate priorities

1. Absolutely no alcohol, drugs or other substances while you are dealing with a crisis situation - if in doubt, clear them out

2. If there is a criminal accusation or charge, you must seek legal representation - this is essential even if it is expensive. Never talk to the police without a lawyer, not even if you are trying to be helpful - you simply respond: "No comment"

3. If the situation involves your immediately family, not just yourself, especially if there are children involved, you need to see to their safety and security first.

This next

• If the matter is primarily about you, consider what you can do to stabilise the situation. Often the most helpful action is to withdraw as quickly as possible to a place of safety. This will allow you to protect yourself, process what is/has happened, and plan your next course of action

• If a situation is volatile or you are unable to withdraw, try to slow down the situation - even a toilet break can be helpful - find time to collect your thoughts

• Avoid making rushed decisions in the moment, or big life decisions when under significant pressure

• In extremely difficult circumstances, simply living day to day is enough of a plan until you have time to consider what to do next

• If an extreme situation occurs, seek trusted advice which can be helpful in maintaining perspective. We will always support you.
  

Then this

• Understand that when you are under extreme duress, the brain processes information differently - you will need more time to make good decisions, you may feel 'stuck' or 'frozen', everything may feel surreal. So take time to work out how to respond and consider what has happened. Professional counselling can usually help with that process

• If a situation leads to ruin, your first priority is to care for yourself. Even if there are children involved, it is likely responsibility for them will move to someone else, and the best way you can care for them in the long term is to take care of yourself immediately

• Lastly, as cliche as it sounds, time often does resolve issues. You would be amazed at how 'riding out' a storm allows you to find clear water on the other side, even if that feels impossible at the time.

This has been a tough post to write, and I pray you never need it. But if you do, remember above all that your mum and I love you, and we will do everything in our power to support you. This blog is my way of showing my love and support, even if I can't be there.